momento cosi
05 ottobre 2009
[sta foto me s'è caricata de merda]
[wow non so nemmeno io quanto tempo è che non metto piede in questo mondo...rivedere i miei pansieri e le mille parole passate mi fa un effetto strano...]
Le cose cambiano cosi da un momento all'altro senza avvertirti...magicamente ed improvvisamente il mondo un giorno decide di girare al contrario e cosi fa senza curarsi del fatto che i suoi abitanti possano perdere equilibrio e cadere... e cosi è successo ho perso l'equilibrio...la coerenza sembra ormai un concetto cosi lontano dalla realtà in cui vivo... caduta un'altra volta mi sono messa in testa di pensare con piu attenzione alle conseguenze delle mie azioni...alcuni dicono che sbaglio... "perchè ti fasci la testa prima di sbatterla?" e forse hanno ragione ma so bene che prima o poi cambierò questo mio aspetto...come d'altronde ne devo cambiare molti altri...mi ero ripromessa tornata dall'america di cambiare alcune mie brutte abitudini...ma ancora non si vedono risultati...
Le mie passioni rimangono sempre quelle e sono sempre piu convinta che dedicherò la mia vita all'arricchimento delle conoscenze con l'uso, forse abuso, del viaggio...spero di potermelo permettere, ciò che necessito è questo : viaggiare e scoprire...essere sempre alla ricerca di qualcosa...pormi sempre un perchè e darmi sempre un fine...
Stranamente ho scoperto di essere particolarmente gelosa di tutto cio che ritengo che mi appartenga, a parte le amicizie e gli altri legami affettivi che ora non starò ad elencare, sorprendentemente ho scoperto di avere paura che qualcuno mi porti via la mia Lei...(non si tratta di persone) ho paura che qualcuno di mia conoscenza mi copri la scena e diventi lui protagonista, lui il piu bravo, lui l'abile...no voglio essere io quella persona, vorrei volere di piu da me e vorrei che questo volere di piu mi porti a migliorarmi...e invece no dico dico ma non lo bramo non lo bramo perchè il mio io non ne necessita forse...perchè sto bene cosi...forse non voglio realmente risaltare e sentirmi capace in qualcosa....
Amo e per questo vivo e vivo perchè amo...amo la vita per ciò che mi concede e per ciò che mi toglie. amo la sua imprevidibilità e la possibilità di pianificarla...mi attira il suo lato oscuro e quello invece illuminato dal Sole...amo la vita perchè mi fa sentir viva, comunque vada io continuerò ad essere sempre sua amante...l'amerò sempre alla follia, la Vita...
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